1. If their local sports facility centre was a ski club.
  2. If their packed lunch to uni consists of cous cous with vegetables.
  3. If their summer days were spent at Balamaha on their friends jet skies instead of getting drunk at their local park.
  4. If their birthday party spread consists of cured italian meats, fresh bread and cheese instead of iceland’s spring rolls.
  5. If they say “yeah man” more than twice in a sentence.
  6. If their first car was better than the car your parents drive.
  7. If they put foundation on their lips, wtf is that about?
  8. If their version of misbehaving in class was challenging the philosophy teacher to a debate.
  9. If their scariest fight in school consisted of someone getting belted with last seasons Prada.
  10. If their hardest decision in 6th year was deciding between touring Europe or Southeast Asia.
  11. If the local delinquents were as effective a young team as the cast of Made in Chelsea.
  12. If their biggest fear at house parties was that their parent’s fine crystal champagne flutes would get chipped or god forbid the ice dispenser would break.
  13. If they know at least two people who own a boat. Or they actually have a boat themselves.
  14. If they pretend to like sushi while secretly gagging on the inside.
  15. If they know at least three people who are Tory voters.
  16. If their life ambition in school was to be part of the fashion show committee. In fact if their school even had a fashion show.
  17. If they complain about how much money they spent in the casino after being “like so, so drunk man” off of grey goose and patron.
  18. If their local ‘scheme’, if you could even call it that, resembled a cul de sac in a street.

    and finally….

  19. If they write a blog.