Mark Twain once said, “Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter”. Mark Twain has clearly never heard of Jellybaby Thursdays then.
I like to think that your choice of cereal can say a lot about what stage in life one is at. For example, this morning I grabbed a box of sultana bran completely ignoring the box of coco pops next to it, and instantly I was aware that I am no longer an adolescent. As I stared at my bowl of bland-dry-bran with despair, I realised that I had made the conscious decision to become more like an adult. When did this happen?
The stage of life I and most others my age are at feels a bit like limbo. I’m too much of an adult to have as much fun as a fresher, but too young to be as boring as an adult. With that sentence I‘ve wiped out two thirds of Glasgow’s nightlife as potential options. That’s not to say I don’t still get shtfaced – oh I do, I just feel it’s not as socially acceptable as it once was at 18.
Octo wednesdays used to be the shit, you could go swimming, go on a bouncy castle and get married by elvis all in one night. I used to love Jellybaby Thursdays at ABC, I was it’s number one advocate! It was like you could run around in a playground with alcohol, however a recent return confirmed that it was in fact a playground – full of children. Unfortunately going to these places now seems tragic and pathetic, it sucks.
A couple of weeks ago I was out at a club engaging in conversation with someone on le dancefloor, as you do, and before i knew it I came out with:
“so what’s your thoughts on Syria?”
It was, as Cady Heron would say, word vomit. In my mind I thought that would be a good conversation starter but I was wrong. The response:
“I’m just trying to dance man”
There, in that moment, I’ve never felt so old. Now my patter was never that good to begin with, but really, is this what my chat has came to? Opening up a debate for foreign policy in the middle of Subclub with someone who’s clearly chewing their face off??
The opposite attitude occurs when you hear that someone your age is being too much of an adult; living with their partner, getting married or actually becoming a parent themself. Hearing such things I instantly revert back to my teenage self –
“AW HELL NO”
Even if the bank would let me I am far too young to have a mortgage. I can barely look after myself let alone another human being, that one really isn’t an option though as I’m missing a vital part in that situation – a man. With marriage at this age I don’t think people realise that marriage is for life, hence you are stuck to the same person FOR LIFE – why rush you’ve only got like forever to do it!
I feel I’m too young to go to the Corinthian on a Saturday and spend half my night in the casino pissing away what little money I have. I genuinely don’t know what is more tragic: middle aged steaming women, falling about the corinthian in their jaeger stained Lipsy dresses or 16 year old boys dancing topless in Jellybaby. Yes, I have seen both.
Therefore we find ourselves in limbo like situation. I want to go out on weeknight like a fresher but at the same time I don’t want to be shoved about on a dance floor by youths who were six years younger than me in school! I’m trying not to judge Mr Twain, I’m trying but I think for the time being I am going to need to stick with the Sultana bran.
(Saying that, my mum even doesn’t let me have coco pops in the first place as she said it makes me too hyper)