Image

Have you ever been on your own in a public place – I call it just another weekday but that’s another story, and forgot that you were in fact alone?

Unfortunately I do it all the time: I’ve started bouncing my shoulders to “n***** in paris” whilst being at the gym like I was in some sort of club; I might have accidentally picked my nose whilst being in the library, much to an onlooker’s horror. You’d think by now I’d be immune to the embarrassment but no.

The other day I was getting money out at a busy cash machine, and at the end of my transaction, before I took my money, the question “would you like advice on your account?” appeared on screen, my reaction;

“Haha. eh NO.”

This sudden outburst prompted the guy behind me to ask “Is it out of money?”

“aw, eh no, sorry it just asked me if I wanted money advice and I was like obviously not…..”

“………………….oh.”

– SILENCE.

It was distinctly awkward, however I was still laughing to myself by the fact that my financial situation had got so bad that cash machine’s were now offering me advice on how to deal with my account.

If there is one thing I do in life with consistency, it’s avoiding checking my bank balance.

Always- *CASH ONLY*

No, I do not want to know how skint I am. No, I do not want to see that red little minus sign next to numbers. No, I do not want to be depressed. I’d rather live in blissful ignorance over my financial situation, thank you very much.

I am hopeless with money. Literally hopeless. When I turned 18 I thought I was being sensible by not getting an overdraft so I rewarded myself with a shiny pink credit card. That didn’t last long.

Therefore, going to cash machine’s brings me both joy and sadness as I have a love/hate relationship with banks. They give me money, yet they only contribute to my blissful ignorance of living in a state of denial, prancing about like I am some sort of lady of leisure.

“Wagamamas? -YES.”
“Gumbo? – YES.”
“Cocktails? – do you really need to ask?”

(maybe I just like food too much)

What I find laughable though is when, on occasion, you may actually refuse an offer to do something with the excuse of being skint, the response;

“just come, I’m skint too I had to go into my overdraft this week”

Relief comes over you hearing that you are not alone in this situation.

“it sucks doesn’t it, how much you in now?”

“like -£50”

SORRY?!

I like to compare this situation to exam time when the smartest person in your class say’s they’re shitting it for an exam, when you know perfectly well they started exam prep three months prior and will walk out with a first. Bitch please.

Ugh, people who are good with their money annoy me. I call them boring. Because there is an upside to being in debt. With that shiny pink credit card I got a trip to thailand out of it! Yes, I may not be able to get a mortgage but hell, I drank pina coladas with tiny asian men and if that doesn’t warrant a good story then I don’t know what does.